covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I can text with my tongue
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
