This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
