i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
