Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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