We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
