is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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