We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
