is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
