can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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