why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
