i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize