I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
