i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
