I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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