i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's blow job season.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
