Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
