Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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