My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
