This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
