Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
