Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
honey bunches of taint.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
