sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
