i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize