all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
