Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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