Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
