there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Found your dick twin last night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
