i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
