I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
