my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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