he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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