I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
