There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
