Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
