"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
