I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
