P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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