If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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