I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
