I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
