i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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