I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
