Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
