Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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