your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
