What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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