Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
