I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
