I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
