my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
