During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
