butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That's when you crack a 10am beer
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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