it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
