I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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