too bad you live with your parents still
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize