Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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