I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize