I'm drive I can fine osifer
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
