Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
