she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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