And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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