Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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