This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
