I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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