What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
