we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
