last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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