if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
