He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
