Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
