ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
