My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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