okay pat passed out under dana's car
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
50% drunk capacity currently
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
