You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
