I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
