He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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