i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
