and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
