I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
