so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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