I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
