So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
