it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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