A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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